currently...

Listening...to the AC running. 

Eating...nothing.  I just had a huge dinner at a fave Mexican place and am stuffed to the gills!

Drinking...seltzer water.

Wearing...PJs and if you must know they are the "skimpiest" ones I own. It's hot ya'll!

Feeling...happy!!! And relieved.

Weather...dark but still so hot and humid. 

Needing...a haircut, a massage, a pedicure, a vacation, a hug, a smile, to go to sleep because it is late.

Wanting...to figure out how to make a vacation I've been trying to work out happen. 

Thinking...that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. How cynical am I?

Enjoying...this feeling of happiness. I got some great news today and will be starting a new job in a couple of weeks. 

getting a bit deep on america's birthday (happy birthday, america!)

Happy Independence Day everyone!

I meandered over to the blog tonight because I always like to see what I was doing/thinking/saying on holidays (and even regular days) and the blog is a good resource for those kinds of facts. Last year I posted about the last four fourths. I can't believe a year has come and gone already since that post and that day. I remember I wasn't feeling 100% and spent that evening watching the fireworks on TV and thinking that hopefully the next year's fourth would be more exciting.

It was very nice, I can report.

I am absolutely in love with spending time alone in the park so after sleeping in until 11 am (Yikes! Haven't done that in a long time!) I tidied up my room, unpacked from my recent trip to CA, and gathered my gear for some CP time. While there I inched myself out of the sun and back under the tree's shade a few times, got several dozen clicks on my Kindle through the latest manuscript I'm reading for work, and got that lovely sweat-behind-my-knees sensation.

I then came home, showered, vegged a bit and got ready for the night. Some friends and I got a group together to go to Sea in the Meatpacking District, a really good Thai place (with really horrible service -- I always hate complaining because I worked in hospitality once so I know what it is like but it was just not good tonight.)

Afterward we braved the crowds and made our way over closer to the Hudson River to see the fireworks display. As you will see from my last blog post about my previous four fourths as a New York resident, I hadn't yet see the NYC fireworks in person. It was crazy but after a lot of walking (and losing half of my group--leaving it to just one friend and myself) I got a great view of an amazing spectacle bursting and popping in through the dark and steady buildings. What fun!

The subway ride home wasn't bad at all and I made it in the door at a decent hour only to jump in the shower again (it was disgusting out). I don't know what it is about me and holidays and reminiscing. Sure, the big ones will make you think back to what you did last year: Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, your birthday, but I also tend to think a lot about Memorial Day, Labor Day, July 4th and even Columbus Day and how my life has changed since the last time they rolled around.

I remember being a little down last year but looking back on it I don't remember it as sadly as I probably felt (all sick and sick of being sick and such) so I guess that says a lot about memory and resiliency. I can't say where I'll be or what I'll be doing next July 4th. So many things are up in the air, it feels like. I just know that between this one and the last one I've felt  a bit more love, a bit more peace, and a bit more happiness.

That's all that matters.

sun is good for my soul

I will readily admit that I haven't been the rosiest of people lately. I've been stressed and sad and confused and in need of a break from the same ol' shiz. The past two weekends have been

lovely.

I was lucky enough to have a 3 1/2 day weekend last weekend due to the Memorial Day holiday. On Friday, after work, I went to a late lunch with two co-workers and then went home to spend some quality time with little ol' me. I was feeling lazy on Saturday and could have very easily spent the day vegging in front of Netflix and Hulu but it was a gorgeous day so I put on my sunglasses and my SPF, grabbed my book and an old bath towel and headed for the beach (read: Central Park). I never understood the girls in the bikinis in the Park until my 2nd or 3rd summer in this humid, sticky, gross city. I opted for a tank top and skirt but I had a wonderful time reading and soaking up some much needed Vitamin D.

It's official. I'm a California girl to my core. I need the rays. They set things right.

I spent Saturday night with a sweet baby, a comfortable couch, and the rest of my book. On Sunday I ventured to Brooklyn and saw an old coworker turned friend. She, another friend of hers, and I decided to watch a "bad movie" with beers and potato chips and then trekked down the block to a bar with an outdoor patio for another beer. Monday was another park day and another book. Rejuvenation at its best.

This weekend I'm dog sitting for my good friend's very cute and sweet pooch. He and I have been enjoying time in her cute and cozy 1BR apartment, walking in Central Park with a dog-loving friend of mine, watching way too much Bravo, eating salads from the Lenny's down the street, and hanging out on the patio with my latest book, The Best of Everything, a charming novel about five women working in the NYC publishing industry in the 50's. The book was written in 1958 and I keep having to remind myself that all the men, the booze, the sex, the office shenanigans were so much more taboo then. The blurb on the back compares it to Valley of the Dolls and Sex and the City but I think of it more as a more female-centric Mad Men.

Yes friends, the sun is good for my soul.

may nineteenth

Another month, another random night during which I feel compelled to write again. I've mostly not deleted this blog because I'm voyeuristic like everyone else and I like my reading list here.

I also haven't deleted it because of nights like tonight.

I was a horrible friend today. I was flaky and unreliable. Two things I am NOT at all.

I'm very unhappy with certain parts of my life. They make me a little crazy and tired and then on the weekends I don't want to do much. I'm not stuck in bed. I get out and do things. But I have little patience or energy and when I don't want to do something, I just don't do it. It is easier to go home and watch reruns of 90's TV shows on hulu for free. (Something I am currently doing even though I could be out with a friend. It is a Saturday night after all.)

I bailed on 2 friends today. I had meals and fun and laughs with 2 others. I am fortunate. My dance card is never this full. But that said I still feel like a bad friend, a lame with a capital "O", and a flake. I just didn't want to traipse all over the city. Life has been crazy. I've been sick due to stress, among other things. It is so much easier to hang with the 90's TV cast.

This is all over the place. As am I.

I'm not particularly depressed lately. I know what I have to do. I know what I want and it is just a matter of making things happen and how it is going to play out.

I've been in New York for four and a half years... So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. Evidence from the blog...

2009: On May 16th I volunteered with New York Cares at a painting project. I did this for several months, once a month, and loved it. Basically we went to a local PS in Harlem, painted murals of children's book covers, and ate free pizza after. So relaxing. I used to volunteer almost every weekend. I haven't done so in months.

2010: On May 19th I alluded to a job I lost out on. I was interviewing around a bit at the time and didn't want to risk my current employer finding out. I interviewed for a position I wanted at the time and didn't get the job. I am now glad I didn't so I guess that's good. I believe I had also just come back from my 2010 trip to London. Oh, travel. You are so good for my soul. Luckily, I didn't wait so long for my next one. I went to Ireland last month and it really changed my outlook on my future and what I'm capable of.

2011: On May 19th I addressed the books I'd been reading that day over the past three years. I have nothing to add right now. This is because I haven't picked up a book for pleasure in over two months. If you know me you know this is a big deal to me. Huge. Changes must be made.

On May 16th I mentioned a date that I had the next night. I do not remember who this guy is. Through process of elimination I could probably figure it out but I guess the point is that I can't for the life of me think of who this person could possibly be. Not that I just can't remember his name but can remember that he was "the cowboy" or the one with the crooked teeth. Nothing. This is sad to me right now.

I think my days in NYC are numbered. One can never tell, of course. I won't jump to conclusions or count my chickens but I know they are numbered.

So weird...

drive by pondering

I honestly had to look at the blog before I posted this to remind myself when I blogged last. It has been well over a month. I feel I've run out of blogging steam.

Yet tonight I felt compelled to write. Not sure why. I'm sitting here in a hotel in another city, watching Friends on Nick at Nite, and thinking about my life. Because all of one's pondering and contemplating should take place during a stressful business trip during the few spare moments one has.

That makes complete sense.

I went to Ireland at the beginning of the month. Solo. Decided I was tired of waiting for friends to have the time or money, that I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I wanted something amazing to look forward to--something out of the ordinary. I had an absolutely amazing time. I chatted up locals in bars, hung out with more Aussies than I'd ever previously met, enjoyed "trad music" and hilarious storytelling, met a cute/shy Irish guy in an American themed club and didn't understand half of what he said, biked a picturesque island, learned the history of a beautiful country, and so much more.

Now I'm back in reality.

The trip (like most experiences in life) changed things for me. I am thinking about what can be in a strong and positive way, instead of feeling bogged down in the competition, the concrete jungle, the way I think things should be based on the rat race. Options, people. I guess that's what it is about, if I put it simply.

I should hear soon about school and going back part-time in the Fall. Regardless of the outcome, another window has opened. For now I'll wake up in the morning, run around this city, go back to the office, and do it all over again. It's not that I am miserable. I enjoy my job most days lately and my life is full of opportunities and blessings.

It's just about seeing the forest through the trees.

You know, all those trees in the city.

a study in single behavior

Those of you who are Sex and the City fans. . . remember the one where the girls sit around and talk about their "single person" behavior? Miranda liked to watch infomercials and lotion her hands or something, Charlotte liked to stare at her pores, Carrie ate saltines with jelly on them in the kitchen while reading a magazine.

I can't decide if it is sad that I remember this or impressive.

Anyway. . .

Today I was thinking about my "single person" behaviors. For a while I didn't really think I had any. I've always lived with someone. These days it happens to be three other girls. Our lives move around and sometimes intersect but for the most part we live very singly. Which is why Ido have single person behavior. Plus I have never shared my time and space with a guy so my habits are well worn in. Here are some:

1. I eat cereal for dinner about twice a week. Or I eat it for dessert. I always eat it out of a mug. My old roommate thought this was weird.

2. The other 5 nights I eat a variation of pasta with something, turkey meatballs, veggies, fruit and yogurt. I get most of my protein and such from eating out. Which I also do once or twice a week.

3. I watch the Today Show while I get dressed in the morning. If I hit "Uncle Willie" I'm runningvery late.

4. I have a pillow top mattress (a side effect from sleeping on a Coleman air mattress for my first month in NY -- I bought the softest, most fluffy bed I could find.) Something I kind of regret. You can tell exactly where I sleep. Every night I try to "wear in" a new part of the bed but gravity always finds me in the same place. Plus, unless I'm really tired, the difference in the mattress bugs me.

5. I watch Teen Mom 2, some of the Real Housewives, and other crappy reality TV shows constantly. By watch I mean I usually have them in the background. My new thing, if I'm home, is to sit on the couch, surf the net, and "watch" Beverly Hills 90210 and Gilmore Girls on SOAP network on Saturdays/Sundays.

6. I sleep with everything but the kitchen sink on my bed. My room is small and my bed takes up a large part of it. I've gotten better about this but I go to sleep with my keys, my mail, my laptop, the remote, books, kleenex boxes, etc. on my bed. Not all at once, of course, but usually if I can't find my keys in the morning it is because they are underneath the extra blanket at the foot of the bed.

7. I sleep with one pillow (sometimes two) under my head and then one on each side of me.

8. OK, this isn't necessarily "single person behavior" but I was thinking about it today. I always give a dollar or some coins to buskers on the subway who make me smile. Especially if I've had a hard day. I dunno, I guess I kind of believe in karma.

9. I stop to pet dogs and smile at babies. I tone it down a lot when I'm with other people, especially guys because I don't want to send them running for hills just because they interpret that as MUST HAVE BABY NOW. MUST BUILD NEST NOW. As I always say, for the right guy and at the right time, I'll let the crazy out a bit more.

10. I take Sunday afternoon naps, go for random walks with Pandora playing in my ears, book solo trips to foreign countries, and have gone on dates with a cowboy, a gin maker, and a total heartbreaker. A couple in fact.

Someday I will find someone completely content with eating cereal out of a mug for dinner right along with me. Until then. . .

shake it out

This song is almost spiritual for me.

I can't stop listening to it.

stream of consciousness

More details...

The MRI came back for my knee and I do NOT have a torn meniscus which is good. I was having horrible thoughts of navigating NYC on crutches in the snow. (OK, my NYCers are now asking themselves "What snow?" but you get the gist of it.) I have tendonitis/something else syndrome so I start physical therapy on Wednesday. I'm hoping that I'll get back in tip top shape and get back to the gym soon.

Work has calmed down some. Some of the winds have shifted and I am calmer at the end of the day so I am happy about that and just trying to focus on being the best I can at my job.

I might have a date. We haven't scheduled anything yet and I really, honestly, expect nothing but it is good for me to feel like I am moving on and getting over the horrible feelings I've had since last Fall. It is still hard for me because I really thought this guy and I were so right together but I have no control over anyone else's feelings or actions but my own and I'm just trying to focus on positivity, being openminded, and enjoying life in the moment (which I struggle with, interestingly enough.)

I read this amazing book last week called Q.U.I.E.T by Sus.an C.ai.n. Sorry for the periods. I just don't really want my silly blog to pop up on any more author radars right now. The book takes a look at what it is to be an introvert in a "world that can't stop talking" and it is really, really interesting. I am a classic introvert (have been since I was very small) so to have my thoughts and feelings laid out in front of me with a focus on the positive was so empowering. I highly recommend this book (regardless of whether you consider yourself an introvert but especially if you do). It will change the way you see yourself.

Other than that I've been busy working and babysitting to earn money for my big solo trip this Spring. My little point-and-shoot camera has also finally gone kaput on me so I'm in the process of pricing out a new one. I have to get one before the trip (imagine going on the trip of a lifetime with no camera! Never! For this girl anyway...) and I'm trying to decide how "all out" I want to go. I really want a DSLR but they are very expensive and since I'm already putting down a good chunk on the trip itself, I am very hesitant to make another large purchase. That said, I've found one that isn't too bad, price wise, has good reviews online and would allow me to really start getting more into photography. If I decide to buy another point-and-shoot I'm going to go for the brand I already have (it lasted me a while) and it won't be too expensive. It just seems a shame not to get the better option and have better quality photos of my travels, if I can swing it.... First world problems, right?

I've had Adele in my head ever since the Grammy's last night. Love her to pieces. She seems like someone I could really hang out with and 21 basically got me through the last year (and this year so far) with "Someone Like You" and "Rolling in the Deep" and "Set Fire to the Rain"I love how we all become so attached to music and lyrics, as if they are written about us and our lives. I know that's why some people get really attached to the artists too. Case and point, Whitney Houston. I'm shocked I don't have her songs in my head today (though I did watch the video for "I Will Always Love You" online last night for the heck of it.)

School is progressing. I'm in the process of applying to a couple and I will be glad when that part is over and the waiting can begin. Valentine's Day is tomorrow (as if you didn't already know!) and while I think the day is pretty universally hard for every single girl (no matter what she says) it is what it is and I will be giving a lovely couple a chance to have dinner together while their child sleeps and I work on their couch. Karma. Maybe she'll smile on me this year.

Have a great week everyone.

details without much detail

I have been MIA for quite a while.

It seems I just don't know what to write any more that isn't too negative, too personal, too much.

Without going in to too much detail, here is what is going on:

Work is rough. Every day I struggle with the fact that I wanted the job I have. I sought it out. I was so excited about it. I know so many people have things about their work life they do not love. I'm there, in spades, right now. My goal is to try to identify one thing per day that I really like about my job--to help me beat down the negativity and stress. Today it was that I spoke to two authors with complete ease on the phone. A year ago, I would have been a huge bundle of nerves. Authors are our industry's rockstars. Author care is an art form, really. Today I had a meeting right in between the calls and was juggling a last minute project that I HAD to get done in about 10 minutes. I am really proud of myself for how good I have gotten at a very important aspect of my job. In this regard, I have grown a lot and that's good.

I have been having issues with my right knee. Long story short, I may have a torn meniscus. In the past couple of days I have grown quite miserable about it. I'm O-V-E-R it. Right now I'm just waiting for MRI results that will tell me whether it is a torn meniscus and surgery is necessary. This is only beginning.

In an attempt to give myself a reprieve, something to look forward to (and focus on) and a way to broaden my horizons, I have booked a SOLO vacation to a foreign destination. I am SO, SO excited. Seriously, this saves me many a day.

I'm looking in to going back to school.

I have yet to go on a date since my late fall heartbreak. I've never been so heartbroken and I'm in a good place with it right now but I'm tired. I'm not opposed to a date though. I will have to test the waters eventually...

My new year's resolution to approach life from a "place of yes" (sorry, didn't mean to quote Bethenny Frankel) is going well. I've got a fun day trip out of NYC planned for this weekend. It costs a bit more than I'd normally spend (and would thus say "no" to it) but it won't break the bank and I think it will be fun.

What's new with you?

twenty eleven into twenty twelve

It's been a while again...

But it is the end of the year and, like every year and everyone, I am in a reflective mood.

I'm really excited for 2012. I plan on doing some amazing things including:

Taking a big trip (hopefully abroad)

Applying to go back to school part time

Approaching life from a "yes" perspective. I read somewhere that a great way to meet people in this crazy city is to say "yes" to everything. So unless it is financially, physically, or emotionally a horrible, horrible idea, I plan to do just that.

2011 was a good year for me. I overcame many obstacles. It was the first year I felt truly comfortable in my New York skin. I made strides professionally by expanding my skill set and confidence. I met someone I really enjoyed spending time with and felt I could fall for. I've always wanted that. And even though he didn't share the same feelings, it was a wonderful thing and I'm happy we spent the time together. I also realized that I really do want to pursue more education after several years of waffling and trying to figure it out. I'm really excited about it.

I knew 2011 would be good and it was. I'm looking forward to an even better 2012 and will go out and celebrate with friends tonight.

Happy New Year!

sunday night "lightbulb moment"

Every once in a while I struggle with the loneliness that comes with living in this city of millions.

It seems counter-intuitive, as there are constantly people around and there are so many things to do and see on any given day. But the culture here can be isolating. The city is filled with Type A people who work too much, socialize in a very structured way, don't often talk to one another, and go about their lives just as I do. I realize this is a very huge generalization. One thing I love the most about this city is that there are so many different kinds of people. I always say there is at least one out there that walks, talks, dresses, and thinks like me.

It has been four years for me and some days I still feel like I'm struggling through year one. I've met some wonderful people, have made great strides, and have learned a lot about myself. But I often feel like there is much missing.

Today was a boring day. I wasn't feeling 100% this morning and was really tired all day so I decided to go with it and be lazy. I was looking around the internet tonight and thinking about how bored I was. My solution to boredom is usually to plan the hell out of the coming days and weeks. (Good and bad, I suppose.) I decided to Google "meeting people NYC." One link was a forum in which people discussed how hard it is here socially.

I don't know why but this made me feel so much better. It acted as sort of a lightbulb moment for me. I know I'm not the first one to move here, having not known anyone and struggle with putting down roots, meeting "forever friends" and dealing with dating. Logically this has always made sense to me. But I am extremely hard on myself and expect a lot from myself. Especially after four years. Reading the thoughts of strangers (written even before I arrived on the East Coast even) made me realize that my struggles and feelings of not "succeeding" where others have are completely typical and normal.

This seems so silly, especially as I sit here typing it out, but it is so important for me. Hopefully it will help me find a bit of peace in the paths I've walked down and find some patience as I move forward and undoubtedly encounter more difficulty--and more happiness.

giving thanks for the blues

I'm feeling blue.

Something exciting, happy, and hopeful ended abruptly and I've been feeling cheated and miserable and feeling very sorry for myself--a lesson that nothing is certain in life and life moves on.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I miss my family. I wish I were home with them, making food with my mom, listening to my crazy dog bark and whine to come in the house, watching documentaries with my dad, going to the movies with my bro, and enjoying my loved ones. I will be here in New York instead, headed to the home of a lovely friend who is gracious enough to take me in on the day of thanks.

And today I am thinking about what it means to be thankful and give thanks, even when we are angry, searching, feeling alone.

I am so very greatful for the things I have--the spirit to want more and the drive to seek it out. The feeling of discontent because I know that life is rich and powerful, that perspective is essential, and that happiness is earned not handed out.

Tomorrow will likely be a more difficult holiday for me. I recognize this and accept it but I refuse to stick in it. I will gather my feelings and mine them for what they can produce--thoughtfulness, introspection, and ultimately humility.

I am well. I am fed. I am loved. I am able to do so much.

a night with anais nin

I love quotes. They inspire and motivate me. Some of my favorites are cynical (anything by Dorothy Parker), some are literary, but all keep me going because they speak to me. They put into words what I have trouble saying in that moment.

Tonight I'm stuck on Anais Nin. Here is my night. . .

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

I looked with chameleon eyes upon the changing face of the world, looked with anonymous vision upon my uncompleted self.

autumn

I remember reading somewhere about the Turkey Trot. I think that's what it was called... the dating phenomenon that occurs after high school when young couples split up to go off to college swearing they'll make it work. But the boy decides it isn't so he breaks it off with the girl around Thanksgiving--the first time they see each other again after the start of the new semester, new year, new life.

Over the past couple of years I've wondered if I have my own sort of autumnal issue. An Autumn Curse, if you will. I think I even blogged about this last year. Let me preface what I'm about to say with a disclaimer that I love the fall season. Like, love the pants off of it. I am totally an "autumn" color wise. My favorite color is brown. I'm a Virgo. Earth signs and all that rot. So fall = fave in my book.

But damnnit if I don't hate fall for what I seriously am starting to consider this stupid curse.

It all goes back 3 years. My first real fall season here in NYC as a dating person. Guy #1 and I met in October, dated. I swooned. A lot. He was great. He was a Left Coaster like me. I read into things. Saw things that weren't there. I was sporting some pretty spiffy rose colored glasses. He was great but he wasn't as into me as I was into him. He ended it a couple of days before Christmas. 2 mos into whatever it was. I was shocked. I cried and cursed him and threw myself into trying to find someone to replace him.

The next Fall I met Guy #2. I think it was November. He was friendly from the start, interesting and funny. We went out a few times. He was in the process of starting a new job. Red flag I didn't see. After a few dates he started blowing me off. Then he disappeared and things fizzled. I certainly contributed. Lessons learned. But I was still very surprised as I thought we had good chemistry.

Fast forward to September of last year. Guy #3. He was interesting. A former teacher. We had two good dates and a really awkward 3rd but I kept hope alive because I liked him. In hindsight, not as much as the others, but I was willing to give it time. He was definitely one of the better ones. The awkward goodbye after date 3 sealed it. He blew me off a bit and disappeared. Another one bites the dust.

That brings us to Guy #4. Freshly added to the "roster" last night. Things were going so, so very well. At least I thought they were. I was getting green lights all over the place. This was the best thing I'd experienced in a long time. I thought him a potential keeper. We were certainly headed in that direction. Until last night. It's not me. It's him. I won't say anything disparaging about him because the reason I am so crushed is because he is a wonderful guy. Really. One of the best I've ever met. We had sparks. I thought we were perfect for each other. It is him. I believe it and he took responsibility but it is a bit me too, isn't it? Because when it is the right person it just works out. It isn't so hard.

So I am 4/4. I won't give up on my beloved season yet though. I just know that September-December I'll be a little more wary.

fly by

Hey there,

I've been so bad at the blog thing lately. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop altogether....

Here are my updates:

• Work is still very, very busy. I have a few trips coming up and am taking on more, which is good, but I've been so exhausted when I get home at night that all I can usually manage is to stuff my face in front of whatever episode of The Real Housewives is currently on. Yes, that is true.


• Thus I have not been going to the gym very often. Shame on me. My credit card is pissed. It still gets charged for that membership.


• I wish I could motivate myself to wake up in the morning and workout before work. I was really good at this during the Spring months (and by really good I mean I managed to do it about twice a week) but now I hit snooze 5,000 times before turning it off, falling back asleep and waking up late. Ha!


• I'm in a voracious mood when it comes to reading. I think it is because it is relaxing. I just want to read all day and end up very sad when I get in bed at night, pick up my book, and find I can only make it two pages before my eyes are so heavy that I have to turn out the light.


• I'm in the mood for historical fiction. First up, Egypt! I'm finally getting around to Mich.elle Mor.an's The Her.etic Qu.een. Last year I blogged about how awesome Mich.elle is and she found my little blog post (via the powers that be at Google alert, I can only assume). It was so exciting. I've previously read Nefer.titi and she has one more Egyptian book, Cleo.pat.ra's Daugh.ter. Then there's Mad.ame Tuss.aud which is amazing! Love all of them!


• Russia is up next! If anyone has any other recommendations I'd love to hear them!


• I'm still seeing the guy I was seeing the last time I blogged. Well "seeing" is not an operative word here, really. We're dating but our schedules are so crazy this month that we haven't been able to get together lately. This is very disappointing but I'm trying to be patient and am hoping things will continue to go well regardless.

update...

Wow, I haven't blogged in a while (and haven't had a "real" post in even longer). Here's the latest. . .

I feel like I'm always reporting that I've been sick. But this time around it was a nasty little bugger that hit me like a mack truck with chills, exhaustion, fever, cough. . . the whole gamut.

I am happy to say that though I missed two days of work, I am well now. My cough is still hanging on (and causes me to get dirty looks from people on the subway and on the bus) but today was the first day I haven't really coughed at all. And it has been 2 weeks! My coughs always hang on until the bitter end but I daresay this one is on its way out. Fingers crossed!

Work has been INSANE. I'm so busy because (I guess) Fall is a very hectic time of year for me. I wouldn't know. This is my first Fall in this particular position. That coupled with missing two days and events that I'm responsible for that fall one right after the other. . . I've been very, very swamped.

Today is my New York-iversary. I've been here four years! In some ways it seems like much shorter or much longer but it is unbelievable in every way. I want to talk to that girl, the one who really didn't know what she was doing but wanted to do it anyway; the one who had a vague idea of what her life was going to be like but really had zero clue. Today is a very fun and special day for me and it always will be. To some it seems like a small milestone but to me it is huge and represents so much in my life, my growth, and my relationship with myself.

Last but certainly not least. . . I'm seeing someone. I feel like an eighth grade girl but I like him a lot and he likes me. We've been dating for a month but I feel like I've known him so much longer. I told my mom last weekend. I'd been waiting to see what would take shape. Telling her made it feel real. I've gotten so tired of talking about dating so when this first started up I had the "I don't care. I'm over it." attitude (not in a bitter way but in an acceptance sort of way). He and I hit it off from the very beginning. We'll see what happens!

Hope everyone is well! Happy Fall! I love this time of year and it looks like NYC weather is finally going to feel like autumn this weekend. . .

10 Day You Challenge - Day 8 - Books!

*BREAKING NEWS* I'm still sick. (And being a total and complete baby about it.)

So here we are. Day 4 of 10 Day You Challenge.

Books.

Everyone knows I love books. In fact, to the untrained eye, it might seem like I don't have many other interests. I read them. I collect them. I studied them. I work with them. My obsession dates back to when I was but a wee lass and would "read" books to

my parents.

I'm supposed to come up with four books. That's hard for me. So I'm going to choose the four that have had the most impact on my life, its course, and how I've gotten where I am today.

1. Babies by Gyo Fujikawa

This was my favorite book when I was small. In fact I still know the first line: "Babies are soft, warm, and cuddly." only I couldn't say my c's so in our house it was "Babies are soft, warm, and tuddly." My parents still talk about (and do impressions of) the way my face would light up when I was read this book and how I would recite it back to them. I like to think this was what started it all...

2. The Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder

When I was in fourth grade, the book nerd in me officially let her freak flag fly. I got really into our school reading program, Best Foot Forward, and worked so hard to earn the Big Sticks (popcicles, remember those?!), pencils, folders, and other prizes. I loved the Laura Ingalls Wilder books and, since in fourth grade all California kids learn CA history, I became obsessed with all things olden days. My grandmother even made me a prairie dress. It was too big for me but I wore it anyway. I have such fond memories of rushing through my homework, laying on the couch and reading On the Banks of Plum Creek while drinking Kool-aid.

3. The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

I was a sophomore in high school when I was first introduced to what would become (and still remains) my favorite book. We read it in E

nglish during a seminar sets unit (in which we could choose to read one of five books and get in groups and talk about it and stuff.) The district tried to eliminate it from the curriculum shortly thereafter (due to somewhat graphic sexual content) and some of my class members went to a district meeting to defend the book. I didn't go but I now wish I had. (The book ended up getting put to 12th grade as an optional text.)

I have since read it again three times, studied it in college, and I've seen the author speak twice. She is awesome and oh so funny.

5. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

I wish I could say there is a book that made me want to become an English major. There really isn't. But books like Mark Twain's Huck Finn, Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury, and Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides made me certain I'd made the right decision. The best book I've read since I got my hands on The House of the Spirits all those years ago.

Likewise, I wish there was a book that I could point to and say "This is the reason I am in book publishing. This is the reason I made the switch to kids' books." There are many, many I have read and love over the years. But if someone were to ask me, I guess I would say "I'll start with these four... how much time do you have?"

a break in our regularly scheduled programming...

I have the flu.

What's that you say? It is too early in the "season" for the flu? MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!

I blame the lady who sat behind me at the movies the other day, hacking and coughing all over the place. There were a total of 10 people in the theater. She totally could have sat away from other people.

My weekend has consisted of sleeping and watching movies. Yesterday I watched Romeo and Juliet (the Claire Danes/Leo DiCaprio version that always makes me flashback to my teen years) and then caught the Wedding Crashers on TV. This morning I watched Hall Pass and am about to settle into Fair Game (the Valerie Plame story starring Naomi Watts and Sean Penn). I'm sure there will be more.

The only good thing about being sick is that you get a free pass to eat whatever sounds good. In my case it has been chicken soup and Haagen Das Cookies and Cream ice cream.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I fully intend to live it up next weekend. Good thing my bed is comfy.

Day 7 - 10 Day You Challenge

Not really sure why the image isn't working but by now you all get it. . .

Day 7 is food. I love food. I'm the girl who eats a brownie instead of downing a drink when I've had a bad day. When the food comes I ignore my cocktail or beer. I have a major major sweet tooth. It is a huge problem (so much so that I can't keep cake or cookies or ice cream in the house... I will gobble them up in no time!)

So I'm listing my favorite foods that I would eat every single freakin' day if it didn't mean I'd be 500 lbs, a couple of things I eat regularly, and what I would choose for my last meal. You'll notice some of these categories overlap.

5. cake - Love the stuff. I wish every day was my birthday so I could eat it. Birthday cake is awesome. As is german chocolate, red velvet, and this kind my mom makes called earthquake cake (it is like german chocolate cake but it also has cream cheese. OMG.) I'm salivating now.

4. apples and yogurt - I've been eating this since I was young. My mom used to cut up apples and put vanilla yogurt on top. I still eat this a lot. I realize that an apple is not the first fruit one thinks to pair with vanilla yogurt. I'll also add that I love blueberries and strawberries (any kind of berry really) with yogurt.

3. green beans and edamame - These are my go-to veggies. I could eat them by the truckful

2. a bean, cheese, and rice burrito from my local hole-in-the-wall taco shop at home - I want one now. I've been going there since high school. In fact, it still is a high school hang out... which makes me chuckle when I go there now. I make at least one trip every time I go back "home." They know me there and they know what I like. It is kind of embarassing because I rarely get anything else there. I once sent a burrito to my BFF for her birthday. It sounds gross but I overnighted it frozen and it made it (full disclosure: if it had had meat in it, I wouldn't have done it!). Best birthday gift idea I've ever had!

1. taco and enchilada plate from my favorite sit-down, family-owned Mexican restaurant at "home" - Last meal. I'd have 5. SO good. Then I'd have cake.